3. The One Where Everyone Stopped Making Eye Contact

 Last week we left off with me headed to my fateful mammogram after our epic adventures in Venice.

A mammogram is nothing new to me, and while I don't like the experience, I went into it expecting everything to be hunky dory.

I mean, Dr. Google is always spot on in a diagnosis, right? And the inter-webs assured me pain is rarely a symptom of anything serious.

So I got to the mammogram location, met the technician, put on that oh so chic half johnnie with no front, and took a seat.

I get called back and start chit chatting with the tech - I can safely say at this point I have a strong chitchat game.

 I am an introvert but can act like I enjoy social interaction like a full blown extrovert. I  no longer wince when someone I don't really know hugs me (a fist pump would be a better interaction for me personally).

We talked about what brought me in, we joked about how pain is rarely anything serious and that was the silver lining in all of this. Yeah I had pain but I most likely didn't have anything going on.

She took the first scans on my right side, all good. Then we moved to the left side, and after the first image appeared on her screen, all the air was sucked out of the room. 

I had been joking while she positioned me this way and that (at one point I quipped:  'shall I stand on one leg as well?') but whatever she saw in that moment, even though she is not empowered to say anything changed the mood drastically.


Oh shit.


She takes all the other scans and does an extra one 'for a better view'. All the while not looking me in the eye, and carrying a somber demeanor.

I go back out to the waiting area not completely freaking out as I have had friends who had a spot of something,  had a biopsy and it was never anything serious. 

My boobs are lumpy and old, so who knows what it might be lying in the folds of the tissue? Anything serious remained in the back of mind.

Which is ironic, because my high functioning anxiety makes sure I live to worry. 

You see that mountain over yonder? 10 minutes ago: nothing but a molehill. 

Some time goes by and she comes back with the ultra sound technician. They want to look at it on the ultrasound. Cool beans, I have done that before. No great shakes.

The new tech doesn't look me in the eye, and my attempt at banter falls flat.

banter (noun) the playful and friendly exchange of teasing remarks.in my case self-deprecating in nature


She is doing her thing, occasionally asks me to move here and there, takes some screen captures and goes to get the radiologist. 

Still not panicking. This happens all the time in my mind, and given my early history with scans to include an ultrasound, this seems like old hat.

The radiologist comes in, she does not say hello, she does not tell me her name, she speaks over me to the tech and to the tech only. They are looking through the still images and then a live view. Measuring something and discussing size, shape and location.

No one seems to care that I am in the room. For all intent and purpose, I am a disembodied boob.

They finish up what they are looking at, the radiologist tells me to schedule a follow up and she is off. Not one word about what she saw, how serious or next steps other than a follow up appointment.

Luckily for her, radiologists can't be given Yelp! reviews (spoiler alert: she will show up two more times, each time the same asshat she was initially).

So I get dressed, and sit down in the waiting room. The admin calls me in and we talk about my follow up - will need about an hour, what day, what time. Apparently we are going to biopsy something.

 Huh, ok glad a trained medical professional was able to deliver that message. 





I'm all breezy: OK, sounds good. I have had friends who have had biopsies. 

Her reply: Oh, so you have friends that have had breast cancer?

......

Umm....NO.  in a hot second we went straight from drawing a sample to life threatening disease.

This is when my anxiety wakes up from its nap. Hold the phone: Should we have been worrying this ENTIRE TIME????  And we missed it????

Well now let's kick this into overdrive and spiral emotionally for a few minutes. 

I walk out of the breast center to my car in a daze. I know I drove home, but do not recall anything of that ride. As soon as I get home I fire up my trusted medical confidant.

Dr. Google offers nothing helpful.

But no worries, we have something called e-chart. As I would later learn there is a federal mandate that patient test results must be released to the patient at the same time as the doctor. (you can look forward to an entire diatribe on that topic. I KNOW...so exciting!).

So an hour later here is what I read:

BI-RADS Category 5: Highly Suggestive of Malignancy - Biopsy is Recommended. Shadowing irregular mass with ill-defined margins, and at least 2 small satellite lesions in the lateral breast as described above in detail. I recommend ultrasound-guided core biopsy of the large show shadowing mass for histopathologic evaluation which then can be followed with MRI if deemed necessary to better determine the extent of the disease.


Oh shit.


Next time on Kris vs. Cancer: The one with a biopsy




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