7. The One with the Friends

 

Last time we left off with me sharing what was going on with my boss. And how awesome he is.


The folks I needed to tell next were the besties, the ride or dies. The ones who had already supported me through so much.

 When I said these phone calls were tough, they were in the sense that I felt guilty to lean on them again.

If you knew the support and love they provided me during the previous two years, well.... let's just say I am the luckiest girl in the world to have these friends. 

I always say I would rather have four quarters than 100 pennies. 


First up was Melissa: the newest of the quarters, she probably knows me better than anyone. She knows where the bodies are buried, and was privy to the unvarnished 'in the moment' BS I tolerated at the end of my marriage.

Melissa is a legend in the Hallowell family for her colorful sayings and loving heart. Whether she likes it or not, she in an honorary member.

Our preferred communication style is texting. We occasionally speak on the phone but usually only if it is something deep shit serious is going on.

I gave careful consideration to the words I would use with each of my quarters.

 With Melissa it was straight forward: 

Here we fucking go again. 

I was trying to be tough and not giveaway how much this was affecting me.

That did not work.

I told her what had happened, where I was and where we might be headed. By the time I was done, my voice was cracking and I was trying hard not to cry.

She gave a deep inhale and went into support mode. 

What do you need right now? What do you need long term? This fucking sucks. I am so sorry. 

I got you.

And the floodgates opened. It was such a relief. Because she was going to have to listen to it all, I am my snarkiest, darkest humored self with Melissa and she was ready for it.

When the shit would hit the fan on this journey (dumpster fire? roadtrip to hell? odyssey of shit?Attempted murder by body part?), 

she was the first person I would call. She would help me calm down, think through it and be able to get all of the emotion out before sharing the news with others. 




She always helped to recalibrate my emotions and help me process what had just happened.

Alright that went okay, she reacted as I expected. And I had an immediate sense of relief knowing that she had my back. Again. For the 87th time in like 5 years.


Next up was my Birch, the Dorothy to my Blanche, Anne.

We met in college when we were in the same sorority and had been in each other's lives again for the last decade or so. She also had always had my back. She always brings a smile to my face, and the times we have together are always memorable.

She gives freely of herself and always makes you feel special.

Recently we went to see Christopher Cross, a dream come true for both of us, and I can not imagine experiencing that pinch me moment with anyone but her.

We crack each other up (sometimes unintentionally) and she is my person.

So after I gathered myself from the Melissa call, I texted Anne if I could call her.

She replied back and I dialed.

After brief pleasantries (because we do not speak on the phone often either, I should probably make a habit of calling people to just say 'hey' to not make all calls dire in nature).

I blurted it all out. There was  pause and then I knew she was emotional. She tried not to be but I could tell she was feeling it. And that made me puddley all over again.

We chatted about how all the ways this was unfair and unwelcome but that she would have my back and we would get through it.

"I wish I could give you a hug right now." and even though she couldn't, that was all I needed to hear from her. 

And through it all she was there, by my side at the end of the phone or text and always finding ways to make me laugh. Which is exactly what I needed.





Ok, two down, two to go.

Samantha was next. She and I have been friends for going on ten years. We met at work and instantly connected. We are both strong, Scorpio women who give it to you straight, wear our hearts on our sleeves and care deeply for the people in our lives.

She was the catalyst to my current employer and she was there on my darkest day after my brother died.

An aside to address grief: it is different for everyone. It isn't linear, it doesn't make sense and when you bottom out,  it happens when you least expect it. 

Mine happened to be the day after my brother's interment. Samantha and I were flying to a tradeshow. We had a connection in Baltimore and the entire flight from Manchester to Baltimore I sobbed.

 She held my hand, hugged me, got me more tissues and was just there. 

The lowest point of my life and she was beside me supporting me the entire time.

Again lets pause to appreciate the fact that these people choose to remain in my life, even though I have been a hot mess express frequently. 

I should probably give them raises in their monthly best friend checks.

Samantha and I actually do speak on the phone more frequently so I called her. 

And told her and her immediate reaction was very raw, emotionally charged and from the heart.

"WHAT THE FUCK?? YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS!! YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH. YOUR POOR PARENTS. HOW IS THIS FAIR????"

And she let it all fly, it was a gut reaction to what felt to her like a burden that perhaps should have been given to someone else. And maybe she was right. 


But with time and consideration of all that came before, and how I have been challenged, I know that it is probably better that it was me. 

Josh (the Mud Puddle) recently spent a week in the hospital for a fluke medical condition. And everyone else was very concerned and sympathetic, he and I were kind of like "meh, whatever". 

We got to spend a week together and watch Food Network and track output.  It could have been life alteringly serious but it wasn't. 

And after that he said to me, 

"I think it is better these things happen to us. We know how to handle it, and we have gone through way worse."

I could see where that might upset folks that we see the world that way, but he isn't wrong. The person you need to be to get through the thing is born in the moment it occurs. And we had been reborn a lot.

So why wish ill on someone who hadn't been challenged? And honestly, I come out the other side stronger, kinder and smarter than I went in. 

Candidly though,  I think I am done evolving for a bit. I hope to enjoy figuring out this version of myself and appreciate every moment of it.

BUT.... Samantha had watched me crumble into pieces and put myself back together a number of times. That must be exhausting to watch. Because it is always easier to be the one going through it, then the one watching.

She told me she was here for me, asked if she could come over that week to see me. And she did, and we hugged and cried and she took care of me in all the ways I needed. 


Last up is the longest serving quarter: My high school bestie, Joshuaine.

I met her when we were in the 8th grade. She had moved back to NH after living in FL for a time so folks knew her but to me, she was still the mysterious new girl.

And as fate would have it, the week I met her was also the week we both had a crush on Bubba Hare. Who probably wasn't aware of that and neither of us saw that short term crush realized but we were potential adversaries out of the gate.

We found ourselves in band the following year. Her in color guard, me on the piccolo. And the field show included a spot for the piccolo players to twirl flags so we had more time together than we otherwise might have. 

And we became fast friends. She and I pretty much giggle from the second we see each other. We have a short hand and 100 years (ok 38 years but still...) of history and memories that we draw on. She is the OG of all OGs when it comes to Ride or Die. 

And she was there in the before days, she and Ernie were friends, and the after days and on and off during the in between.

And while I can't recall the phone conversation (at some point my brain probably shut down)  I know it was emotional.

What I will never forget was the text that followed: "I have no words"

And she didn't have to. That spoke volumes that she understood this was a lot and no words could capture what it all meant in the context of my life.




All four women reacted differently but in a way that was unique to each of them, and the relationship we shared. And they each supported me in their own special ways.

And this is in no way me saying these were the only four that had me covered. I am so lucky to have an amazing tribe, and they will make cameos as we continue on this journey (dumpster fire? roadtrip through hell?).

But at that time, these were the four I needed and they did not let me down.


Next time on Kris vs. Cancer: The one with the lumpectomy












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